Today, many parents face the situation of talk back from their children. It is so frequent that you hear it all the time, especially whenever you tell them to eat healthy food, do some exercise, finish their homework etc. Children talking back to you can be one of the most difficult and challenging situations for parents. Parents are exhausted and frustrated of hearing their children’s talk back and try different things in order to discipline their child. In this post we show a parent What To Do When Kids Talk Back.
Though it is a challenging situation for parents, it can be handled in an effective way. We need to understand the root cause of talking back. Children talk back mostly when they are frustrated or feel powerless. For e.g., if they ask you for permission for a certain thing and you say “No”, their immediate reaction would to talk back. Whenever you disagree or say “No”, they feel that something has been taken from them and so they retaliate.
What To Do When Kids Talk Back
Let us understand some ways of disciplining a child who talks back.
1. Do not get agitated and react to talking back.
One of the key things is to keep a calm composure when dealing with children who talk back. Your response to the situation is being keenly watched by your children. Your response to the situation will either escalate or improve the situation. Though it is a very stressful situation, screaming, yelling or threatening, is not going to improve the situation.
If you find yourself in such a situation, it is better to move away from the place till things cool down. You can continue the conversation only when both of you are calm enough to hear each other.
2. Always explain to them the power of words and how it can hurt or make others happy.
Children by nature are self-centered and they will always think of themselves first. You need to raise them up with the right values of thinking about others and respecting others. This is a process and will take a long time before you see your children doing selfless acts.
Teach your children the importance of words. Many times, at the spur of the moment they say harsh words which they regret later on. Talk to your children to avoid being disrespectful and hurting people. You can tell them that it is fine to disagree or get upset about anything, but using hurtful and inappropriate language is absolutely unacceptable. This is something that you need to constantly reiterate to them, so that they know that you are consistent in your stand and will ensure that they follow your guidance.
3. Always determine the root cause of your child talking back.
We all need to understand that your child will always not talk back. Talking back is a result of something that is disturbing or provoking your children. Try and find out the root cause of this talking back. Sometimes children are stressed about their academics or about some school friends or about bullying, peer pressure etc. Once you find out the reason that is stressing your children, you should try and find ways to resolve the same.
4. Talk and offer choices for better behavior.
It is important for you to offer different choices for talking it out. Let your child know that you will talk only if there is a receptive behavior from them. Give them a couple of options for the resolution of the problem. Make it amply clear that they can talk to you only in a proper and respectful environment.
Whenever you don’t receive any positive feedback, it is time to turn a deaf ear to their back answering. Do not try to compromise, negotiate or discuss when they are disrespectful as this will only reinforce their behavior and it will be difficult to discipline them later.
5. Give them time off or talk to them about the consequences of talking back.
Children are great observers and they will see if you are consistent in carrying out the consequences that you have already told them. Set the boundaries straight and clear wherein they know that any talking back will result in missing television time or the weekly dinner outside or getting additional household chores to do or simply losing some of their privileges.
Children should be clear in advance so that they know the consequences and are not caught by surprise. Always remember to be consistent and adhere to the rules.
6. Encourage and praise good behavior.
In all this talking back and negativity, it is important to encourage your child for good behavior. Compliment them on the things that they right. Praise encourages children to increase their good behavior. Further children should be aware that their parents will encourage them for positive behavior and discipline them for the wrong behaviour. This will help them to reduce their talking back.
7. Some of the other ways of preventing back talking.
Respect your children and their views.
Try and communicate with them often to understand what they feel like. There will be times when you can come to a middle ground without any war of words or heated arguments.
Listen to your children.
Many times children need parental attention. They want to share their emotions, feelings, questions, problems and frustrations. All you need to do is sit and hear them out without giving them opinions or passing judgment. Teach children the art of being calm and thinking through before talking.
- Understand that talking back is also a natural part of their development.
As children grow older, they want to be independent and assertive just like their peers. In the process, they will try to back answer, but it does not mean that they disrespect you. It will be a good time for parents to be calm and composed in these challenging development years of our children.
These are some of the important ways by which you can discipline your child from answering back. Remember parenting is a journey and there will be many stressful and challenging moments for parents. It is important to remain focused and raise your child in a loving and supportive environment.
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Please read our earlier article Life Skills Are More Important Than Academic Excellence
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