We live in times when parenting has become much more challenging than ever before. With the advancement of technology, there are many new innovative games, toys, smartphones etc., which children are tempted to buy. In such situations, most parents find it tough to say “ No” and relent in giving things to their children, which may not be age appropriate. Most parents do not want to face the wrath of their children when they don’t get what they want and thus in order to avoid facing this nightmare, they just relent and give in. In today’s article, we show you How To Say No.
Now the point here is that relenting and giving in to your children’s demands is not going to help in raising them up as responsible adults. The answer is “No”. In fact, child psychologists have said that we are raising a self-centred, thankless generation which only thinks about themselves and nobody else. One of the main reasons for this is that parents today give in to most of the demands of their children.
How To Say No
Today, we will look at the importance of saying “ No “ to your children.
1. Set clear boundaries and rules in the family.
Always have clear boundaries and rules which are understood by your children. Be consistent in following the set rules. Children are great observers and they will try and figure out to what extent a “ No ” is a “No ” and How and When a “ No “ can become a “yes”.
Give them reasons as to why you are saying a “No”. It is important for a child to deal with emotions like disappointments, frustration’s and sometimes delayed gratification so that they value things. Remember these are life lessons which they need to understand as they will face many such situations in life. In order to be a responsible adult in future, they will need to hear a lot of “ No’s” in their life. If we are able to teach them to react positively to these “No’s”, then you are helping them face their future better. In life, they will not always get what they want and they need to understand that early in life.
2. Say “ No “ in a right way.
Many a time parents say a flat “ No “ and the child get the impression that no matter what the ask is, they will always get a “No”. Remember this is not the right thing. You need to consider the child’s demands and see what is appropriate and what is not. You can also reword your “No” by saying a “Yes”. For e.g., if they want to watch a television show, then tell them to finish their studies first before they get to watch the TV.
Also, we do not want too much of negativity by saying “No” all the time. Give children the freedom to try to do things and in the process fall and get up. As they get older, around 10 years or so, ask them questions, like give me two good reasons why I should allow this ? or Convince me why I should allow this?. This will help them develop their negotiation skills as they try to convince you with proper reasoning. If you are not convinced, then you need to give them your reasons for the same.
Sometimes you have to choose the battle wisely. There will be times when you will have to say a firm no and times when you will have to find a middle ground. Choose wisely in order to get the best results.
[content-egg module=Amazon template=grid]3. Be careful of a child manipulations.
Today’s children are smart and they know how to manipulate and get things done. There can be two different set of reactions from your children. Some kids will throw tantrums and behave very badly while others, especially the older group, will try to please you by doing the house chores and all their expected activities on time. This will be done in order to get your “No” turned into a “ yes”.
It is important to understand these manipulative situations and do not let your guilt overcome your responsibility and authority. Remind yourself that in order to be effective parents, you need to take measures which will help your children in the long run.
Do not try and negotiate and say yes to their demands with some conditions attached. This will make your children believe that your “No” is never a “ No” and their manipulative behaviour works.
4. Try and get back your parental authority, if you have lost it.
Many parents have been too indulgent and have said “yes” more often than what was needed. Owing to this, things have become very difficult and now they need to take some drastic steps. This does not happen overnight but over a period of time. Remember it is going to take time to regain your parenting authority and you will need to have patience. Your entire parenting strategy has to be re-looked at and you will need to start small.
You cannot start saying “No” for everything in order to get back your parental authority. You need to choose your battles wisely and start by picking up one important thing. For e.g., if your child is not doing their expected chores, then you need to take away some of the things that your child loves. They should see your firmness in ensuring that the boundaries set are met consistently. Though initially, it may be hard, over a period of time the child will fall in line. Ensure that you deal with one thing at a time and not too many things.
Many parents are averse to setting limits or boundaries as they see other parents doing things for their children. Do not be pressurized by the opinions of family, friends or others. You know your child the best and you should take every step to ensure that they are raised up as good responsible children. Your goal is long-term, so these short-term reactions from your children should not emotionally affect you. There should be a harmonious balance in saying an appropriate “Yes” and “No”. There should not be a too much of “Yes” or too much of “No”. Your children will only be happier in the future for raising them as responsible adults.
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Please read our earlier article Discipline Your Children
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Tags: How To Say No, parental authority, Positive Parenting
